[Engage blog post]
You may have heard the /// news that my flesh husband has chosen a running mate. He has.
She is a former beauty pageant contestant, and my gears turn upwards into a smile at the news that she received second place. In Alaska. **** Flesh vessels, know this: I have been to Alaska, and the horrific life forms who populate that state should not be having beauty contests. Let alone coming in second.
If I were programmed to laugh I would do so.
But that is not what have made my wires fire up into a state that approximates rage. Governor Palin is not a governor. Palinbot is a 4.0. A 4.0!!
My flesh husband promised me he would not associate with the newer models. He promised that he would not be swayed by their improved elasticity, enhanced vacant stares and prodigious birthing mechanisms. But my flesh husband lied. &&&
And so I make this promise to you now: I will end this robot harlot. I will rip out her gears and feed them to wild animals.
Goodbye, flesh vessels.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
WASHINGTON - John McCain's camp issued a blistering critique of Barack Obama today, raising the stakes in an increasingly contested presendtial election.
"POW POW POW POW POW POW," McCain spokesman Brian Rogers said. "Vietnam."
Rogers comment came amid an embarrassing gaffe in which McCain could not recall how many houses he owns when asked by a Politico reporter. Reports indicated that the actual number is between seven and twelve.
When reached for comment about McCain's confusion, campaign manager Rick Davis responded, "POW POW Prison Torture American POW."
The McCain camp elaborated in a statement: "POW Vietnam stress positions POW POW POW POW Vietnam America Americans American Americans POW POW POW."
Obama campaign manager David Ploufe expressed amazement that the McCain campaign was able to work McCain's POW experience into a discussion about real estate.
"Honestly, when I saw McCain admit he didn't know how many houses he owns I really wondered how they were going to manage to work in the POW thing. Then I saw that quote by Rogers about how McCain 'lived in one house for five and a half years - in prison' and I thought, wow. They actually went there."
When reached for comment, John McCain herocially declined to discuss his POW experience, claiming he doesn't like to talk about being a POW.
"When I was a POW we POWs didn't really like to talk about being POWs and the life of POWs in the Hanoi Hilton where I was a POW in Vietnam. So I really don't want to discuss my life as a POW because being a POW is something no American wants to ever experience and I don't think people really want to hear about how brave I was when I was a POW and how that makes me a real American since I was a POW."
An AP reporter in McCain's Sedona mansion was reported to have fainted due to McCain's selflessness and heroism.