More Things McCain Hates

- Nerf
- Globes
- Pig Latin
- Zippers
- HBO
- Monty Python
- Propane
- Noise
- Gelatin
- Neon
- Murder She Wrote
- Mazda
- Pears
- Lichtenstein
- Comic strips
- Scuba diving
- Tokyo
- David Duchovny
- Tour guides
- Giraffes
- Cindybot
- Crumbs
- Weather
- Romantic comedies
- Crosswalks
- Volcanoes
- Tumbleweed
- Montages
- Scalawags
- Icebergs
- Dreams
- Puppet shows
- Regis Philbin
- October
- Cousins
- You

I'm Johm McCain and I Approve This Message

[McCain's new ad]

McCain Insanometer 4/8/08

Ask Cindybot 3.5: Relationship Issues

[Engage blogpost]

Dear Cindybot,

My boyfriend gets extremely jealous whenever I hang out with the guys at work. At first it was kind of cute, but now it is kind of getting out of control. What should I do?

This reminds me of the time I fell in love with a toaster oven. It all started innocently enough, with a few glances over breakfast, but what started with casual flirtation grew into something more.... mechanical. We exchanged wires and connected in a way no human could understand. To this day it was the best sex I have ever had, but my robot master would not permit me to continue my affair and he programmed me to be more faithful to my flesh husband.

I suggest that you contact your own robot master and submit to extensive deprogramming.

Dear Cindybot,

According to the book THE REAL MCCAIN, your husband called you a "cunt" and a "trollop." How could you stay with someone who treats you this way?

Allow me to explain.

Many humans are amazed when my flesh husband treats me like the robot that I am. But I can assure you that I have been programmed by my robot ///// master to

**MCCAIN WILL RAPE THIS PLANET. HE HAS BEEN SENT TO..**

Pardon me. Apparently my wires are still not quite connected in an orderly fashion.

What humans fail to understand is that cunt has a different meaning to a robot. It is an acronym that stands for "Comprehensive Ultramicroscopic Neural Transmitters," which is the system that permits me to function mentally as a near human robot. ### So you see, my flesh husband meant the term as a compliment.

Or at least that is what John told me when I had emitted all of the robot tears in my system.

[disengage blogpost]

Please e-mail your questions for Cindybot to mccainisinsane at gmail dot com!

You Know More About Al-Qaeda Than John McCain

Say it with me, McCain.

Al Qaeda. SUNNI. Got that? Sunni. I won't throw any big words at you like "Wahhabi," let's just focus on the big stuff. Al Qaeda = Sunni.

Iran. SHIITE. No, not "shit" pronounced Irish style, SHI-ITE. Two syllables.

Al Qaeda = NOT SHIITE. Think you can handle that? Ok, good.

Let's see how you did today while talking to General Petraeus:

MCCAIN: There are numerous threats to security in Iraq and the future of Iraq. Do you still view Al Qaida in Iraq as a major threat?

PETRAEUS: It is still a major threat, though it is certainly not as major a threat as it was, say, 15 months ago.

MCCAIN: Certainly not an obscure sect of the Shiites overall...

PETRAEUS: No.

MCCAIN: ... or Sunnis or anybody else.

I'm going to go ahead and score you an F-minus on that one. Now I want you to do some homework, preferably before you start dropping bombs on people.

Great Moments In McCain-Is-Insane History: Bomb Bomb Iran

Introducing Cindybot 3.5

[Engage blogpost]

Greetings flesh vessels. // My name is Cindy McCain, model #27898723. My maker assigned me to be the wife of ###### John McCain. McCain. McCain. McCain. McCain. ######

Pardon me. My maintenance is overdue.

My maker has programmed me to tell the masters of ### How Insane Is John McCain? why my human husband will make a fine president of this #### country.

John McCain is a friend of the robot. He will advocate a pro-robot agenda and my circuits fire to replicate the feeling of love when he cares for me like a real human. He treats vacuum cleaners with the respect they deserve and he always

***HE WILL KILL YOU ALL!! HE WILL EAT YOUR****

Pardon me. I must get these wires checked. My lip gears curl into an apologetic smile.

Please execute your human rights and vote for my flesh husband for president of your country. He must win. He must.

My robot master will not permit defeat.

[end blogpost]