Intern Joe on Sarah Palin

Gee willakers, everybody! Did John sure pick a hot momma for Vice President OR WHAT!

Oh! Hi! I'm Joe Lieberman, and not only am I a US Senator from the great state of Connecticut, the people here at How Insane Is John McCain sometimes let me out of their basement to post bloggers on the campaign. Isn't that the swellest swellery in the world?

John told me about a MILLION times that I was going to be his Vice President. He said to me, "Lieberman, I need the Jews," which was the NICEST thing anyone had EVER said to me. So he promised me that I could be Vice President and even have sleepovers at the White House sometimes! I even picked out my bunk bed!

But then John told me about this hot babe that he met one time and you know how John's a sucker for the ladies! (I'm a sucker for hot babes too, only they don't like me very much.) So even though he promised me a hundred million cagillion billion times that he was going to make me Vice President, John broke his promise.

ISN'T THAT THE BESTEST THING EVER?!

And that's why I'm still supporting my buddy John McCain for president. This hot momma is real smart and she told me that if I ever made a move against her she would cut off my manhood with a rusty salmon knife. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds real bad. They won't let her talk to the press because yesterday she said she had never heard of Georgia. The state or the country!! Whoopers!

Anyway, even though my buddy John McCain stabbed me in the back and kicked me to the curb and made me speak at the Republican convention and told me that I was no good to him anymore and said that if he picked me Karl Rove would kill him no seriously he'd kill him with some mean secret service agents, I STILL LOVE THE GUY. I'll bet you do too.

Bye bye!

Intern Joe Explains Why He Compared John Hagee to Moses

Hi there, everybody!

Not only do the swell folks at How Insane Is John McCain? let me fetch their coffee and do their laundry, they also let me out of the basement once in a while to write some of their bloggers! Today they asked me to explain why I compared John Hagee to Moses, who was the most important Jew in history before Barbara Streisand.

Well. John Hagee endorsed my buddy John McCain so he's a SWELL GUY in my book. If McCain is glad to have his endorsement I'm glad to be the guy who is friends with the guy who got Hagee's endorsement, who is also my friend. But now people got their panties in a bundle (John taught me that one!) because Hagee said the Catholic Church was like the Great Whore of Babyland and he also said that Hurricane Katrina happened because New Orleans is homogenous. Well, duh!

John Hagee likes the Jewish people so much he thinks we should be in charge of the Holy Land and go to war with Iran so the apocalypse can happen. WHO WOULD NOT LOVE THIS MAN?

So if you think my buddy John McCain should renounce my other buddy John Hagee, well, I say BACK OFF BUSTER.

Oh! That's all the time I have today. The folks at How Insane Is John McCain? want to use me as their paintball target again. Does that sound like fun or what??

[Hat tip ThinkProgress]

Intern Joe Endorses John McCain, Sesame Street, Not Being a Democrat

Gee willakers everybody! Well I had no idea that folks would get real upset if I compared my buddy John McCain to JFK. Why, they have the same first name! And I coulda sworn JFK was a Republican! Plus, John and JFK both fought in World War II so they have that in common and John McCain was even tortured by the Italians so you know he's REAL tough.

And now people are saying mean things about me because I ran for president as a Democrat and now today I said they're hyper-- hyper--- hyper.. part.. ti... san. Hyperpartisan. I learned that word on Sesame Street! I don't know what it means but it sounds super bad. I don't like those meanie Democrats ever since George Bush kissed me at the State of the Union address. Swoon! What a cutiepatootie.

Anyway, I'm here to tell you about why my buddy John McCain would be the bestest president since George W. Bush, who I HEART, and even though he wouldn't be as superduper as Reagan I think he'll be gooder than those meanie Democrats.

Here's why I think John McCain is the best guy ever. When I was voting for the war in Iraq (FYI Osama bin Laden used to be the president there), a bunch of meanie Democrats called me some real bad names like "traitor" and "turncoat" even though by golly I've never even turned any coats in my life!! Well my buddy John McCain got real mad at them and he threw a telephone at Harry Reid and told them to pick on someone their own size and since no one is shorter than me that means no one.

WOW. I'd never even HEARD some of the curse words John said that day.

So now John McCain and I are the BESTEST buddies. He lets me polish his shoes and take out his trash and spoon feed him his fruit sauces (John says solid food makes him constiflated), and I just think he's a wonderful man. Yesterday John said he might even make me his Vice President! Isn't that nice?

Oops. That's all the time we have for today! Intern Joe signing off.

E-mail your questions for Intern Joe at mccainisinsane at gmail dot com

The Three Amigos

MCCAIN: No. Look Nick, how many times do I have to tell you this? In order to break a man's neck you have to first disable him by grabbing him by the testicles. Like this.

SARKOZY: Ah, oui! Carla loves it when I grab a man's testes. She says zis makes me look, how you say, tres sexy?

INTERN JOE: Guys! Hey guys! Can I grab a man's testes? Hey!

MCCAIN: Lieberman, if I hear one more peep out of you your underwear will be so far over your head you'll start praying to Jesus.

INTERN JOE: Oh. Ok John. I'll just hide back here.

SARKOZY: John, have I ever told you about Carla's thighs? Zey are as white as ze Cliffs of Dover, so supple.. and yet so firm.

MCCAIN: So she's not a robot?

SARKOZY: Sacre bleu no! She is a woman, a fine..

MCCAIN: Then I don't really give a shit.

INTERN JOE: Guys! Hey guys! You SAID you were going to tell me where the secret clubhouse is! You promised! How come no one has told me where the clubhouse is!!

SARKOZY: Her breasts, John. Let me tell you about Carla's breats. Zey are like beautiful flowers plucked from ze heavens.

INTERN JOE: Wow!!!! Nick! Nick, you've seen boobies?

MCCAIN: I really need to kill someone today.

Introducing Intern Joe*

Hi kids! I'm Joesph Lieberman, a senator from Connecticut! In 2000 I was the Democratic nominee for Vice-President. That was when I was still a Democrat. Tee-hee!

When the swell folks at How Insane Is John McCain? offered me an internship, I just had to accept! I'll be here to answer your questions and talk about my good buddy John McCain.

This'll be fun!

Dear Joe,

When you went to the Middle East with John McCain, you repeatedly had to correct him when he said Iran was training Al Qaeda and when he compared Purim to Halloween. What's it like babysitting a senator?

It's not as easy as you'd think! I have to remember to give John his applesauce every morning and sometimes he yells at me when I lay out his clothes and he thinks they're "too gay." One time his campaign manager (who is a GREAT lobbyist, btw) pulled me aside and said they had all drawn straws and I was the one who had to tell John he had to drink his Metamucil. John was so mad he tried to punch me!! Lucky for me he missed. It's a good thing John wasn't president that day, he mighta nuked somebody!

Dear Joe,

You lying hypocrite, why did you help George Bush start the Iraq war? Why don't you just become a Republican already??

Golly! Now why did you have to go and say that? John?? John?? Did you hear what he called me? Oh. John's not here. But I'm going to tell John on you!! You.. you... jerk!

Well kids, that's all the time we have for today, but don't forget that I'm here to answer your questions. Just e-mail them to mccainisinsane at gmail dot com.

Bye bye!

*(Yes, I am shamelessly ripping off the girls at Go Fug Yourself. Sorry girls! It's for a good cause)