Monday, April 28, 2008

Barack Obama Realizes Running For President Completely Sucks

WASHINGTON - After a long primary campaign in which he has been forced to answer questions about his unstable former pastor, flag lapel pins, and assorted crazy people he once met a long time ago, all while consuming a bewildering array of fatty food products in crappy diners across America, Barack Obama announced on Monday that running for president completely sucks.

"This blows. I'm sick and tired of running for president," he said. "Now watch Fox News quote me saying 'that blows' and try and convince people I snort cocaine."

Campaign officials admit that the beleaguered Obama has been questioning why in the hell anyone would even want to be president.

"Oh sure," campaign manager David Plouffe admitted. "Just the other day he told me that no sane person would ever want to be president. Then I reminded him that he's running against two people who actually are insane. That got him through the day."

Political analysts are mixed about how Obama's sudden realization about the sheer suckitude of running for president will affect the race.

"Jeremiah Wright, Jeremiah Wright, Jeremiah Wright, Jeremiah Wright, Jeremiah Wright," Bill O'Reilly told reporters, "Jeremiah Wright, Jeremiah Wright, Weather Underground, Jeremiah Wright."

Obama confirmed that there were times he wondered if this whole president thing could possibly be worth it.

"That situation room in the White House had better be seriously James Bond. I'm talking exploding pens and cars with missile launchers. Otherwise I might as well have just stayed at home and gotten some sleep this past year."

Hillary Clinton was reached for comment Monday at an Indiana greasy spoon, in which she consumed 18 home cooked donuts, conversed awkwardly with 74 senile senior citizens, and campaigned for 62 hours without sleep. When asked if she had tired of the campaign, Senator Clinton grabbed this reporter by the lapel and whispered, "I love this shit."

Thursday, April 24, 2008

McCain Celebrated 69th Birthday as Katrina Hit

McCain blasted Bush's handling of Katrina today, saying, "I would’ve landed my airplane at the nearest Air Force base and come over personally."

Huh. I wonder what Bush was up to when Katrina was hitting New Orleans.

Luckily we have a picture.

I shit you not:

McCain's 69th Birthday party. I wonder if he got around to telling Bush to take care of New Orleans.

Yeah, probably not. Cake!!!


McCain on Crazy Hagee: "Nonsense" x 14

John McCain responded to crazy John Hagee's latest diatribe against New Orleans with a "nonsense" quote. Make that 14 "nonsense"s:

"It's nonsense, it's nonsense, it's nonsense, it's nonsense, it's nonsense. I dont have anything additional to say. It's nonsense, it's nonsense, it's nonsense, I don't have anything more to's nonsense. I reject it categorically."

He has not, however, rejected Hagee's endorsement, and just last week said he was glad to have it.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Hillary Clinton: "Tide Is Turning," Expects to Win Democratic Presidential Primary By 2013

WASHINGTON - After besting Barack Obama by 9 points in Pennsylvania's Democratic primary, Hillary Clinton declared to a crowd of ten supporters on Wednesday, "The tide is turning. By 2013 I expect to have overtaken Barack Obama and I will be thrilled to take on John McCain's corpse in the general election!"

In a seemingly interminable primary battle that has left both candidates bruised and battered, Clinton's victory in Pennsylvania did not seem to alter the fundamentals of the Democratic primary or Barack Obama's insurmountable lead in pledged delegates and the popular vote.

According to Clinton advisors, this overlooks some key fundamentals of the race.

"You've got it all wrong," said Clinton advisor Terry McAuliffe. "2008 doesn't count."

Clinton advisors point to her victories in "big states that count" such as California, New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania as evidence she can eventually beat Obama given enough time and do-overs, while dismissing Obama's victories in Illinois, South Carolina, Missouri, Virginia and Maryland. They feel that Clinton's support among the minority of Democratic voters who matter makes the case that Clinton can be the best Democratic candidate to lose to John McCain.

"Who better to lose to McCain than me?" Clinton declared. "I am the only candidate who can bring America together and unify the Democratic party to vote against me in the Fall."

Obama campaign manager David Plouffe said Wednesday that he increasingly feels that he is trapped in a bad zombie movie.

"I wake up every morning thinking people are going to finally admit she's dead and this race is over. And every day I open up the newspaper she's got a new zinger about Barack that's not even remotely funny. I mean, look at this one today: 'It's a long road to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and it runs right through the heart of Pennsylvania.' I mean, seriously. Who writes this shit? Carrot Top?"

According to Bill Clinton, Hillary has not yet begun to lose.

"Hillary is a fighter," Clinton said. "She can go down in flames with the best of them. Remember '94 after the health care debacle? Ha ha! We had to lock her in the basement she was so radioactive."

Crazy Pastor John Hagee: Katrina Punishment for Planned Homosexual Rally (yes, he said it again)

America's favorite batshit pastor is at it again.

No, not that one.

The one whose endorsement John McCain said he's "glad to have."

John "The Catholic Church is the great whore" Hagee, in an interview with Dennis Prager, said: "What happened in New Orleans looked like the curse of God, in time if New Orleans recovers and becomes the pristine city it can become it may in time be called a blessing. But at this time it’s called a curse."

Why, just the other day, McCain spoke with George Stephenopoulos about Hagee, and had this nonsensical exchange:

STEPHANOPOULOS: So was it a mistake to solicit and accept his endorsement?

MCCAIN: Oh, probably, sure. […]

STEPHANOPOULOS: So you no longer want his endorsement?

MCCAIN: I’m glad to have his endorsement.

John McCain! Glad to commit mistakes. Like accepting the endorsement of insane pastors who think God hates New Orleans.


Sunday, April 20, 2008

Washington Post Discovers McCain's Temper

The Washington Post recently featured an article on McCain's fabled temper, including a wonderful anecdote in which he berated a young campaign intern for... um... not making McCain magically taller?

The Post tells us:

A platform that had been adequate for taller candidates had not taken into account the needs of the 5-foot-9 McCain, who left the suite and went looking for a man in his early 20s named Robert Wexler, the head of Arizona's Young Republicans, which had helped make arrangements for the evening's celebration. Confronting Wexler in a hotel ballroom, McCain exploded, according to witnesses who included Jon Hinz, then executive director of the Arizona Republican Party. McCain jabbed an index finger in Wexler's chest.

"I told you we needed a stage," he screamed, according to Hinz. "You incompetent little [expletive]. When I tell you to do something, you do it."


George Stephanopoulos, one half of ABC News' debate-moderating comedy duo "Gibson & The Greek," interviewed McCain today and asked him about his temper tantrums and the fact that a former Republican congressman said that McCain's temper "should disqualify him."

McCain tells us: "Yes, I served with him, and had significant differences in several issues. But the point is, look, those — many — all – the majority of those stories 15, 20, 25 years ago."

Oh, of course! Those many all the majority some partially maybe half or give or take a few temper tantrums happened a long time ago!

Here is just one of those many - all - the majority of those stories that happened only a few months ago:

Thursday, April 17, 2008

When A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Ask John McCain: The Tough Questions

Dear John,

I'm against torture. I think it harms our standing in the world, it's morally wrong, and that's not what America stands for. You yourself was tortured, but why did you vote to uphold the CIA's use of torture?

A donut is not a donut unless it has sprinkles on it. Show me a donut without sprinkles. What does it look like? A goddamn bagel, that's what. What do you want me to do with a donut without sprinkles? Put cream cheese on it? Bah. A bagel is a donut that doesn't taste good. And I'm not eating it. Goddamn bagels. They were probably invented by terrorists.

Dear John,

You say you're against special interests in politics, and yet many people on your campaign staff are lobbyists and there is evidence of influence-peddling within your so-called Reform Institute. What say you?

You know how old I was when World War II ended? I was nine years old. Those were the days. No television, none of that rap music... We knew how to entertain ourselves. We played kick the can. Ha! You ever play kick the can? What a great game. There was this can, and then you hid, but then you had to kick the can to set the people in jail free. Now that's a real game. I loved kicking that goddamn can. No kid who played kick the can ever became a terrorist, I can tell you that much. Or a Commie. We didn't let girls play either.

Dear John,

You have suggested that Barack Obama is elitist, and yet your wife is a beer heiress worth millions. I'm also pretty sure she's a robot. How can you call Obama elitist when you're not exactly hurting for dough?

The damn thing won't go. I double-clicked it!! Where in the hell is that damn e-mail? Son?!! Get in here! Help me work this damn computer! No, look. I put in the CD, and now my e-mail is lost. I'm telling you that's what happened. No goddamn it I did not close out, whatever the hell that means. I put in the CD, it erased my e-mail. It's this goddamn stupid computer. CRIMENY. How hard it is to make a computer that works? You think Thomas Edison would have stood for this crap? Oh. There it is. How did you do that? What? What in the hell is a drafts folder? I'm going to kill this machine.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

George W. Bush Lies While Admitting He Lied

In a bold move even for Bush, while admitting to ABC News that he lied to the American people about the state of Iraq in 2006, George W. Bush lied.

In remarks to ABC News reporter Martha Raddatz, Bush attributed his misleading posture in 2006 to a desire to avoid harming troop morale.

BUSH: Well, yes. I think we — and I wanted — that's as much trying to bolster the spirits of the people in the field as well as — look, you can't have the commander in chief say to a bunch of kids who are sacrificing either, "It's not worth it," or, "You're losing." I mean, what does that do for morale?

Ah, yes. The troops. I'm sure they were quite emboldened to hear that their leaders had no idea what was going on in Iraq. And surely the the 2006 midterm elections had nothing to do with it.

It's a good thing for John McCain he doesn't sound like Bush or anything...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Chef Cindybot Shares Her Recipes

[Engage blogpost]

Greetings flesh vessels.

You may have read about a controversy where I stand accused by //// nefarious humans of plagiarizing recipes from the Food Network.

Flesh vessels, understand this. Human copyright law does not apply to robotkind. Do we robots ask for a royalty every time you use a Dust Buster? Do we demand payment when you start your car? (((( I think not.

You humans disgust me with your eating of plants and animals. I prefer the wholesome taste of metal, and while while while while while ///////


Pardon me. I must go to the shop for maintenance.

It pleases me to share with you my favorite recipe: Ball Bearings Sauteed in Motor Oil. I encourage you to make this delicious dish in your own home.

24 ball bearings (preferably from artisnal blacksmith)
4 tablespoons iron shavings
4 cups motor oil
3 tablespoons antifreeze
1 teaspoon mercury
2 teaspoons battery acid

Bring the motor oil to boil at 2,478 degrees in a heavy industrial saucepan. Add the ball bearings and cook until tenderized, and be sure to collect any molten remnants that explode out of the saucepan &&& in order to retain the flavor. Reduce to 1,253 degrees and add battery acid and antifreeze. Allow the mixture to congeal, but do not overseason so as to retain ideal sludge consistency.

Garnish with iron shavings and serve extremely hot.

I ((( hope you enjoy this original recipe. If you will excuse me, I have a robot master to serve. He will not permit his human surrogate John McCain to lose this election, and particularly not on an empty stomach.

[Disengage blogpost]

Monday, April 14, 2008

Things Hillary Clinton Would Do To Become President

In order to become President, Hillary Clinton would...

- undergo torture
- slip Dick Cheney the tongue
- eat hair out of the shower drain
- sit on a porcupine
- invent a fictitious black grandparent
- swim across the Arctic ocean
- become a Republican
- become a Libertarian
- become a Socialist
- become a Communist
- become a Whig
- try out for American Idol
- shoot herself in the forearm
- bear the child of a Superdelegate
- sell Chelsea to gypsies
- eat a banana peel
- iron your shirt
- step on a rusty nail
- sleep with Fidel Castro
- watch "Gigli" on loop for four days
- pour acid on her skin
- attempt to escape actual sniper fire by Bosnian militants with no running start
- shave her eyebrows
- disavow pantsuits
- stare down an angry rhinoceros
- admit that perhaps she might have sort of conditionally been a hair of a smidge wrong for voting for the Iraq war but really only kinda sort of wrong if you look at it from the right perspective and take into account the facts of the time which were not at all straightforward and really hypothetically if she had been president at the time she not only would have not made the same decision she might not have even been partly wrong about the fact that she voted incorrectly that is to say if her vote was incorrect in the first place given the facts on the ground at the time and actually if you want to get technical about it she was not president and was only a senator making a potentially and possibly ill-advised vote if you want to look at it in that fashion but really it was not that kind of a vote
- clip Rush Limbaugh's toenails
- become a Wiccan
- stand in line at Target to get you a Wii
- donate both kidneys
- eat nothing but Big Macs for two months
- fire a shotgun at reporters to demonstrate love of 2nd Amendment
- release her tax records
- lie down in a busy intersection
- walk 500 miles
- work as a rodeo clown
- be an actress in a Herpes medication ad
- agree to be bitten by a rattlesnake
- walk naked through Baghdad
- cry
- join The View
- kick Howard Dean in the nuts
- change her last name to Bush
- start her own country
- hike across the Gobi desert with no water
- smash a beer bottle over her head
- become Obama's Vice-President, then murder him
- sell her soul to anyone buying
- marry Bill Clinton

What's Wrong With This Picture?

[Crooks & Liars]

McCain: Opposed to Torture, Including Waterboarding*

*Well. As long as the torturees are American.

Given that McCain voted to uphold the CIA's use of waterboarding, everyone else seems to be fair game.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Hillary Clinton and John McCain Announce Plans To Fuse Bodies To Create Unstoppable Monster-President To Attack Obama

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Sensing the danger posed by Barack Obama's comments about Pennsylvania's bitter voters being "bitter," presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and John McCain jointly denounced Obama's comments and revealed that they will soon undergo extensive surgery to fuse their bodies.

John McCain expressed great anticipation for the procedure, which will create an unprecedented single candidate comprised of shared flesh.

"I've long admired Senator Clinton's attacks on Senator Obama, and I look forward to joining our minds in a literal sense," McCain said.

"Plus, I've always wondered what it would feel like to have boobs."

After McCain and Clinton offered remarkably similar statements in response to Obama's truth-telling gaffe, Clinton followed up with a statement in which she expressed an appreciation for gun rights and church-going. At that point, the campaigns decided that it made strategic sense to form a bodily alliance that would jointly attack Obama with one mouth created out of fused tissue.

Clinton reportedly will change her party affiliation to Republican upon completion of the procedure.

Philadelphian surgeon Frank Templeton will perform the surgery, and looks forward to joining the two presidential candidates, who have repeatedly expressed admiration for one another while denigrating Obama.

"This is an unprecedented opportunity to join two minds and bodies, and who better to volunteer for this procedure than McCain and Clinton," Templeton said. "The only drawback that I anticipate is that the resulting conjoined body will be incredibly ugly."

Obama campaign manager David Plouffe dismissed suggestions that a so-called John McClinton humanbeast will be a more formidable foe in November.

"No way," Plouffe said. "Obama will still win."

"Although I think I speak for most Americans when I say that we're all a little horrified."

Hillary Clinton in particular is thrilled by the prospect of combining her biographical narrative with McCain's.

"Now I will honestly be able to say I have dodged sniper fire. And I've been tortured. Dear God, I've been tortured! Is that fantastic or what?"

Friday, April 11, 2008

John McCain's "Leave No Lobbyist Behind" Policy

What's the haps, wheelers and dealers? McCain campaign manager/lobbyist Rick Davis here.

You know, I love me some America, but we lobbyists get such a bum rap. I just don't understand it. We're just like any other hardworking Americans, we just get paid more!! Haha! Suckers.

I'm here to talk to you about my buddy John McCain, a true maverick. He doesn't discriminate against us just because it's popular to hate on lobbyists. Oh no. John McCain is a friend of the lobbyist.

Some of you might have heard about John's involvement in the Keating Five Scandal. Well, after that brouhaha John McCain started the Reform Institute, which is devoted to -- you guessed it, reform. Just check the website. The Reform Institute was formed to keep money out of politics. Ha!

Let me tell you about one real humdinger bit of reform. Since I was doing such a great job lobbying on behalf of Verizon and SBC, who better to head up the Reform Institute than me! I was in charge of the Reform Institute from 2003-2005, and I'll tell you what, salary was great -- $395,000, and I didn't even have to quit my day job lobbying for telecoms.

Only in America, people!

Well, I know a good thing when I see one. Right after my buddy James Dolan (CEO of Cablevision and doing A GREAT JOB with the New York Knicks) met with John McCain and the Senate Commerce Committee, he kicked in $100,000 to the Reform Institute. No coincidence at all! Then when John wrote a letter in support of Cablevision, Dolan kicked in another $100,000. Now that's what I call reform!

Since then, John has tackled reform by making me his campaign chair, and he employs a whole bunch of my buddies. Why there's Wayne Berman, the finance committee co-chairman, he's a lobbyist for the Carlyle Group (whose problems are TOTALLY EXAGGERATED), Charlie Black, he's chief political advisor and he's a lobbyist for BKSH & Associates, and he even lobbies from the Straight Talk Express! Now there's dedication, people.

Let's see, who else. Oh, there's Christian Ferry, Mark Buse, Tom Loeffler, Susan Nelson, John Green, Tim McKone, David Crane, Carlos Bonilla, John Timmons, Judy Black, Bryan Cunningham, Juleanna Glover Weiss, Peter Madigan, James Pitts, Kirk Blalock, Kirsten Chadwick, Aleix Jarvis, Alison McSlarrow, and Michael Meece. And that's just off the top of my head! Most of these fine lobbyists have also donated thousands of dollars to McCain's campaign. Is that love or is that love?

So next time you hear someone talk about lobbyists and influence-peddling like it's some evil thing, just remember that there's one maverick who will tell you where you can stick your lobbyist-hating schtick. That man is John McCain.

USA!! USA!! USA!!!

Sources: Ken Silverstein "My Lobby Myself" from Harper's May issue, Media Matters, USA Today

Thursday, April 10, 2008

More Things McCain Hates

- Nerf
- Globes
- Pig Latin
- Zippers
- Monty Python
- Propane
- Noise
- Gelatin
- Neon
- Murder She Wrote
- Mazda
- Pears
- Lichtenstein
- Comic strips
- Scuba diving
- Tokyo
- David Duchovny
- Tour guides
- Giraffes
- Cindybot
- Crumbs
- Weather
- Romantic comedies
- Crosswalks
- Volcanoes
- Tumbleweed
- Montages
- Scalawags
- Icebergs
- Dreams
- Puppet shows
- Regis Philbin
- October
- Cousins
- You

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

McCain Insanometer 4/8/08

Ask Cindybot 3.5: Relationship Issues

[Engage blogpost]

Dear Cindybot,

My boyfriend gets extremely jealous whenever I hang out with the guys at work. At first it was kind of cute, but now it is kind of getting out of control. What should I do?

This reminds me of the time I fell in love with a toaster oven. It all started innocently enough, with a few glances over breakfast, but what started with casual flirtation grew into something more.... mechanical. We exchanged wires and connected in a way no human could understand. To this day it was the best sex I have ever had, but my robot master would not permit me to continue my affair and he programmed me to be more faithful to my flesh husband.

I suggest that you contact your own robot master and submit to extensive deprogramming.

Dear Cindybot,

According to the book THE REAL MCCAIN, your husband called you a "cunt" and a "trollop." How could you stay with someone who treats you this way?

Allow me to explain.

Many humans are amazed when my flesh husband treats me like the robot that I am. But I can assure you that I have been programmed by my robot ///// master to


Pardon me. Apparently my wires are still not quite connected in an orderly fashion.

What humans fail to understand is that cunt has a different meaning to a robot. It is an acronym that stands for "Comprehensive Ultramicroscopic Neural Transmitters," which is the system that permits me to function mentally as a near human robot. ### So you see, my flesh husband meant the term as a compliment.

Or at least that is what John told me when I had emitted all of the robot tears in my system.

[disengage blogpost]

Please e-mail your questions for Cindybot to mccainisinsane at gmail dot com!

You Know More About Al-Qaeda Than John McCain

Say it with me, McCain.

Al Qaeda. SUNNI. Got that? Sunni. I won't throw any big words at you like "Wahhabi," let's just focus on the big stuff. Al Qaeda = Sunni.

Iran. SHIITE. No, not "shit" pronounced Irish style, SHI-ITE. Two syllables.

Al Qaeda = NOT SHIITE. Think you can handle that? Ok, good.

Let's see how you did today while talking to General Petraeus:

MCCAIN: There are numerous threats to security in Iraq and the future of Iraq. Do you still view Al Qaida in Iraq as a major threat?

PETRAEUS: It is still a major threat, though it is certainly not as major a threat as it was, say, 15 months ago.

MCCAIN: Certainly not an obscure sect of the Shiites overall...


MCCAIN: ... or Sunnis or anybody else.

I'm going to go ahead and score you an F-minus on that one. Now I want you to do some homework, preferably before you start dropping bombs on people.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Introducing Cindybot 3.5

[Engage blogpost]

Greetings flesh vessels. // My name is Cindy McCain, model #27898723. My maker assigned me to be the wife of ###### John McCain. McCain. McCain. McCain. McCain. ######

Pardon me. My maintenance is overdue.

My maker has programmed me to tell the masters of ### How Insane Is John McCain? why my human husband will make a fine president of this #### country.

John McCain is a friend of the robot. He will advocate a pro-robot agenda and my circuits fire to replicate the feeling of love when he cares for me like a real human. He treats vacuum cleaners with the respect they deserve and he always


Pardon me. I must get these wires checked. My lip gears curl into an apologetic smile.

Please execute your human rights and vote for my flesh husband for president of your country. He must win. He must.

My robot master will not permit defeat.

[end blogpost]

McCain Gives Important Speech On MLK As Black Man Holds His Umbrella

What better way to reassure voters that you're sorry for voting against MLK Day than to give a much-heckled speech aside an African American holding your umbrella?

Rest assured, voters, that McCain's racial views are now up to circa-1983 standards, although apparently he misplaced his sense of awkward racial imagery somewhere in the 1950s.

McCain Insanometer 4/4/08

Thursday, April 3, 2008

McCain Endorsed By Heidi Montag, Can Satan Be Far Behind?

Professional Celebutard Heidi Montag endorsed John McCain this week, and he was kind enough to pretend that he'd even heard of that television channel the kids are calling Music Television Station.

This can only help him with the crucial Heidi/Spencer demographic, and effectively kills his chances with every other sentient being on the planet.

McCain's "I Bonked a Broad At Every Port" Tour Continues in Florida

As the world's attention is consumed with the long Hillary Clinton suicide mission better known as the Democratic primary, John McCain is busy wheezing around the country on a "biography tour," which is apparently supposed to remind everyone that John McCain is unbelievably old.

Amid the crushing boredom of this tour, the Wall Street Journal's Washington Wire blog would have you believe that young Johnny McCain was a red-blooded American slut!! First there was the imaginary Brazillian girlfriend, now they're trying to tell us that McCain banged a stripper who cleaned her nails with a switchblade

Yeah. That checks out.

Who's up next on McCain's black book circa 1958, the Queen of France?

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The John McCain Comedy Tour

Hey there, wheelers and dealers! McCain campaign manager and Verizon lobbyist Rick Davis here, and have I got a deal for you. Trust me 18-25 year olds, you haven't seen anything this radically tubular since the Razr flipped your lids!

For a limited time only, for the low low price $2,300, I'm pleased to offer you tickets on the John McCain Comedy Tour!! See our wise-cracking Senator from Arizona tell some of his favorite jokes!!! You'll laugh harder than you do while listening to Tenacious D on Verizon VCast. I love Josh Black!

Here's a sneak preview of some of Johnny McCain's best stuff. Have you heard the one about suicide bombers?

Oh, he slays me! Get it? Suicide bomber?? Slay? Ha ha! McCain's not the only funny one on the Straight Talk Express.

Or how about this one about two guys from Ireland?

Well campers, truth be told I don't know if I got that one. But the Republicans in the background freaking loved it!!

So remember, send in your checks for the federal campaign limit of $2,300. Oh what the hell, go ahead and send a check from your dead grandmother too.

And remember folks, cell phones don't cause cancer, they cure cancer!! This is Rick Davis, hanging up.

McCain's "Girlfriend" From Brazil

So you know how at every school there's that kid who eats his own boogers and who everyone picks on, and since he can't get a girlfriend he inevitably makes up a story about having an imaginary girlfriend in Canada and he tells people they've totally made it to second base and brags about how she's so hot, only no one believes it for a second?

McCain's is from Brazil.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

McCain: An Old Man in 1954

John McCain's yearbook quote from 1954:

John is remarkable for the amount of gray hair he has; this may come from his cramming for Annapolis or from his nocturnal perambulations.

Holy crap. And here I thought he was just an old man. Apparently he's always been old.