Saturday, June 21, 2008

Sources: Barack Obama is Way Cooler Than You Are

WASHINGTON - Sources and experts across the nation reached a unanimous conclusion on Saturday: Barack Obama is way cooler than you are.

Professor Mike Gomez of Stanford University, a cultural anthropologist specializing in the history of coolness, said in an interview: "Oh, please. He's definitely cooler than you."

Gomez's opinion was echoed by tastemakers, bloggers, and celebrities across the nation, all of whom expounded on the breadth and depth of Obama's coolness.

Recognized cool person Samuel L. Jackson said, "The glasses, the speeches, the daps... That mother-[expletive] is [expletive] way [expletive] cooler than your [expletive] ass.

Sources in the Republican party differed with Jackson's assessment, noting that obedience to the Lord is the only path to cool.

Youth Pastor George Mitchell said, "Righteousness? Cool. Abstinence? Way cool. Getting jiggy with your brothers and sisters in Christ? Friggin coolio my homies."

When reached for a quote, the Obama camp downplayed the effect Obama's coolness would have on the general election. In a statement, campaign manager David Ploufe wrote, "We prefer to focus on the issues in this campaign, and we trust the American people not to get caught up in a schoolyard contest to see who is the coolest."

Sources unanimously deemed the Obama's denial of coolness extremely cool.


oh it's you said...

i'm on 4 different medications to treat my bi-polar disease and john mccain is way more insane than i am and i know me some insane! being tortured for 5 years probably does not put the "good" in good mental health.

Robaire said...

The Art of Coolness is Clarity & Intelligence...and Barack have that in Spades.
Granted, he is handsome, dress like a model, have a smile that rivals the sun bringing on a new day, He is approachable and real. However, his clarity of vision, his ability to stay focused when slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are hurled at him at the speed of sound. He possess and honesty and dignity that surpass any political figure in my lifetime.

Yeah!! He is WAAAAY cooler than me..and you and anyone else walking the face of this earth. The coolest Man that ever took a breath of Life!!!!

Rock On, Barack!!!

Andrew James said...

I want to swim in a pool of Obama coolness.

Dube said...

"Obedience to the Lord is the only path to cool..."

I literally laughed out loud at that one. Awesome post.

Adam said...

Too cool for school

Adam said...

Too cool for school.

grumpylion said...

I'm just not cool at all. What the hell is 'jiggy'?

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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