Republican Convention Lies: Sarah Palin's Acceptance Speech

The lies were flying fast and furious at the RNC this past week, and a post that catalogued all those lies would probably break the Internet. Instead, I'll merely start by listing the falsehoods, fudges and straight-up lies in Sarah Palin's acceptance speech.

McCain, you're next. Watch out, old fella.


SARAH PALIN

LIE: "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a "community organizer," except that you have actual responsibilities."

TRUTH: Barack Obama worked as a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago after he graduated from college. He received a $13,000 salary, foregoing a more lucrative career. He worked for the Developing Communities Project, which "protected community interests regarding landfills and helped win employment training services, playgrounds, after-school programs, school reforms and other public amenities." Residents and organizers who knew him at the itme recall Obama's efforts in glowing terms.

When Sarah Palin was elected mayor of Wasilla, the town had no long-term debt. Instead of investing in local infrastructure needs, Palin raised taxes for the construction of a multi-million dollar indoor sports facility. However, the city began construction before it had received title, which resulted in years of (still ongoing) litigation that cost the city $1.3 million. Palin left Wasilla $20 million in debt, and was nearly recalled.

LIE: "I'm not a member of the permanent political establishment."

TRUTH: When Palin was mayor of Wasilla, she hired a lobbyist with ties to disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff. She also ran Senator Ted Stevens' 527 political action committee (he is currently indicted for corruption charges), and made a public appearance with him to support him politically.

LIE: "This was the spirit that brought me to the governor's office, when I took on the old politics as usual in Juneau ... when I stood up to the special interests, the lobbyists, big oil companies, and the good-ol' boys network."

TRUTH: As previously noted, Palin had close ties to lobbyists in Alaska. Palin also supports drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge, a position heavily favored by oil companies, and believes we can drill our way out of the energy crisis (which is not true). To be fair, she did raise taxes on oil companies while governor amid record oil prices.

LIE: "I came to office promising major ethics reform, to end the culture of self-dealing. And today, that ethics reform is the law."

TRUTH: Palin did help pass an ethics reform bill. However, she stands accused of her own ethics violation stemming from the firing of a public safety officer who refused to fire her brother-in-law, a state trooper. She is also accused of improperly accessing the trooper's personnel file, which could carry criminal charges.

LIE: "That luxury jet was over the top. I put it on eBay."

TRUTH: Palin suggests that she actually sold the jet on eBay, but in truth it never sold on eBay, and was eventually sold at a $300,000 loss to a Palin campaign contributor. Far from being a "luxury jet," it had mainly been used to transport criminals.

LIE: "I suspended the state fuel tax, and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress."

TRUTH: Palin was actually a major proponent of earmark spending, and in fact, Alaska was the recipient of more earmark spending per capita than any other state in the nation. Palin's requests for earmarks included $499,000 to assess halibut harvesting.

LIE: "I told the Congress "thanks, but no thanks," for that Bridge to Nowhere."

TRUTH: This is such a blatant lie it's incredible it made it into the speech. Palin repeatedly expressed support on the Bridge to Nowhere, and was even photographed with a satirical t-shirt in support of the project.

LIE: "But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform - not even in the state senate."

TRUTH: Obama has only written one memoir, DREAMS FROM MY FATHER. His second book, THE AUDACITY OF HOPE, was a campaign book. But guess who has written two memoirs? John McCain! He wrote the memoirs FAITH OF MY FATHERS and WORTH FIGHTING FOR with Mark Salter, as well as his other books WHY COURAGE MATTERS, CHARACTER IS DESTINY, HARD CALL, and more.

It's also false that Obama did not sponsor any major legislation. He wrote over 110 bills as a Senator, including an important nuclear noproliferation bill and a bill (co-sponsored with John McCain) that established transparency in federal contracts. His bills in the Illinois State Legislature have also been praised.

LIE: "America needs more energy ... our opponent is against producing it."

TRUTH: Obama's own website calls for investing $150 billion in new clean energy sources.

LIE: "Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America ... he's worried that someone won't read them their rights?"

TRUTH: Honestly I don't know what this even means, but it should be noted that Obama is the only candidate who supports incursions into Pakistan if there is actionable intelligence on Al Qaeda, a position John McCain did not support because he was worried about Pakistani sovereignty (despite claiming that he would pursue Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell).

LIE: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes ... raise payroll taxes ... raise investment income taxes ... raise the death tax ... raise business taxes ... and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars. My sister Heather and her husband have just built a service station that's now opened for business - like millions of others who run small businesses."

TRUTH: Obama only plans to repeal the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy and calls for $80 billion in tax breaks to the middle class.

LIE: "Senator McCain's record of actual achievement and reform helps explain why so many special interests, lobbyists, and comfortable committee chairmen in Congress have fought the prospect of a McCain presidency - from the primary election of 2000 to this very day."

TRUTH: I'm sure there are some lobbyists who aren't supporting McCain, but his campaign manager, Rick Davis, is a former lobbyist, and a huge portion of his campaign staff are lobbyists.

Intern Joe on Sarah Palin

Gee willakers, everybody! Did John sure pick a hot momma for Vice President OR WHAT!

Oh! Hi! I'm Joe Lieberman, and not only am I a US Senator from the great state of Connecticut, the people here at How Insane Is John McCain sometimes let me out of their basement to post bloggers on the campaign. Isn't that the swellest swellery in the world?

John told me about a MILLION times that I was going to be his Vice President. He said to me, "Lieberman, I need the Jews," which was the NICEST thing anyone had EVER said to me. So he promised me that I could be Vice President and even have sleepovers at the White House sometimes! I even picked out my bunk bed!

But then John told me about this hot babe that he met one time and you know how John's a sucker for the ladies! (I'm a sucker for hot babes too, only they don't like me very much.) So even though he promised me a hundred million cagillion billion times that he was going to make me Vice President, John broke his promise.

ISN'T THAT THE BESTEST THING EVER?!

And that's why I'm still supporting my buddy John McCain for president. This hot momma is real smart and she told me that if I ever made a move against her she would cut off my manhood with a rusty salmon knife. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds real bad. They won't let her talk to the press because yesterday she said she had never heard of Georgia. The state or the country!! Whoopers!

Anyway, even though my buddy John McCain stabbed me in the back and kicked me to the curb and made me speak at the Republican convention and told me that I was no good to him anymore and said that if he picked me Karl Rove would kill him no seriously he'd kill him with some mean secret service agents, I STILL LOVE THE GUY. I'll bet you do too.

Bye bye!

The Sarah Palin Affair

According to CBS News, the National Enquirer is going to publish a story that alleges that Sarah Palin had an affair with her husband's former business partner. The McCain campaign denies this allegation, and has threatened legal action against the Enquirer.

It should be noted that the Enquirer broke the story on the (very true) John Edwards affair, although it was also incorrect when it reported a Ted Kennedy love child (which didn't even pass the smell test in more ways than one).

So far the identity of the business partner remains a secret, although there is plenty of speculation, and Andrew Sullivan notes that one business partner filed a motion to have his divorce records sealed. This comes on the heels of persistent Internet rumors that Palin faked her fifth pregnancy.

When this story breaks you probably won't hear it here first, but you will hear it here snarkiest.

Sarah Palin Scandals: The Complete List

- Troopergate: Fired Public Safety Officer who refused to fire her brother-in-law, then replaced him with man she knew to have committed sexual harrassment. UPDATE 9/4: She is also now accused of improperly accessing and disclosing the state trooper's personnel file, which could carry criminal charges

- Claimed she was against Bridge to Nowhere, was actually for it

- Claimed to have been an anti-corruption crusader, actually ran Ted Stevens' political action committee and made appearances with him even after he was accused of corruption.

- She also is being scrutinized for her expense reports. Palin billed taxpayers for staying in her own home for 312 nights, and her daughters and husband charged $43,490, mostly for trips between Juneau and Wasilla. (To be fair, she did fly coach while flying and spent less than her predecessor).

- DairyGate: Fired the entire Alaskan Agricultural Commission board, filled vacancies with cronies, kept failing state-owned dairy afloat with public subsidies (which may have been misappropriated), then allowed dairy to fail and ensured that remaining assets were acquired at steep discount by political ally.

- As mayor, fired local police chief who questioned her political contributions.

- Laughed when radio host called cancer survivor a "bitch" and a "cancer."

- Palin's 17 Year old daughter is pregnant, but she personally slashed funding for teen pregnancy organization with a line-item veto despite a $5 billion Alaskan budget surplus due to rising oil prices.

- When Palin was mayor of Wasilla, it was the only town in Alaska that forced rape victims to pay for their own rape kits. The state was forced to pass a law preventing the practice.

- Opposes explicit sex-ed.

- Palin attended convention for Alaskan Independence Party, which is devoted to ensuring that Alaska secedes from the union. Addressed the party convention this year. Founder of AIP said: "The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government."

- Todd Palin was a registered member of the Alaska Independence Party from 1995-2002

- Sarah Palin's pastor: "We need to think like Jesus thinks. We are in a time and a season of war, and we need to think like that. We need to develop that instinct. We need to develop as believers the instinct that we are at war, and that war is contending for your faith. ... Jesus called us to die."

- Palin was in church when Jews For Jesus founder David Brickner described terrorist attacks on Israelis as God's "judgment of unbelief" of Jews who haven't embraced Christianity.

- Palin left Wasilla $20 million in debt

- Todd Palin was arrested for a DUI in 1986.

- Palin pressured a librarian to ban unspecified books, later fired her, but local residents pressured to re-hire her. (Palin characterized her questions as "rhetorical.")

- Palin failed to disclose interest in Anchorage car wash; car wash later was involuntarily dissolved by state because they failed to pay licensing fees.

- Palin claimed to have been to Ireland -- it was merely a re-feuling stopover.

- Palin sued the US government to block polar bears from being listed on a threatened species list.

- Palin defends cruel method of killing wolves.

- Palin claimed to have sold an Alaskan luxury private jet on E-Bay. In truth, the jet never sold on E-Bay and had primarly been used to transport convicts. Alaska eventually sold it at a $300,000 loss to a Palin campaign contributor.

Will be updated when time allows. These scandals are coming fast and furious.

Ask John McCain: Vetting Sarah Palin

Dear John,

Um. Did you vet this insane person from Alaska?

Dear Doofus. Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm a vet, moron. What in the hell did I need another vet on the ticket for? Let me tell you what I did need. Someone who could tell you where to stick a whale harpoon. Bah. This is a lady who knows her way around a moose. I think America is going to like her.

Dear John,

Are they going to put Sarah Palin's uterus in the Smithsonian when she dies?

Ha! That's a good one. I'll have to tell that one to Lieberman. Let me tell you something about Sarah Palin: she has five children and she knows where they came from, if you know what I mean. Heh heh. Well, at least she knows where four of them came from. Don't know about that last one. I've heard some wild stories about that one. Probably fake. I'll tell you one thing, Rove never faked a pregnancy. He might have if he had lady parts though.

Dear John,

Is Cindybot going to be jealous that you're consorting with another beauty queen?

I sure know how to pick the broads, don't I? Heh heh. But the answer is no. Cindy is my wife. How in the hell am I going to eat without her? I wouldn't be counting houses that's for damn sure. She has me by the balls. Should have signed a prenup. And worn a rubber. That's a lesson for all you Cub Scouts out there.

Cindybot 3.5 on Sarah Palin

[Engage blog post]

That bitch.

You may have heard the /// news that my flesh husband has chosen a running mate. He has.

She is a former beauty pageant contestant, and my gears turn upwards into a smile at the news that she received second place. In Alaska. **** Flesh vessels, know this: I have been to Alaska, and the horrific life forms who populate that state should not be having beauty contests. Let alone coming in second.

If I were programmed to laugh I would do so.

But that is not what have made my wires fire up into a state that approximates rage. Governor Palin is not a governor. Palinbot is a 4.0. A 4.0!!

My flesh husband promised me he would not associate with the newer models. He promised that he would not be swayed by their improved elasticity, enhanced vacant stares and prodigious birthing mechanisms. But my flesh husband lied. &&&

And so I make this promise to you now: I will end this robot harlot. I will rip out her gears and feed them to wild animals.

Goodbye, flesh vessels.

McCain Camp: "POW Vietnam Prison Torture POW Vietnam"

WASHINGTON - John McCain's camp issued a blistering critique of Barack Obama today, raising the stakes in an increasingly contested presendtial election.

"POW POW POW POW POW POW," McCain spokesman Brian Rogers said. "Vietnam."

Rogers comment came amid an embarrassing gaffe in which McCain could not recall how many houses he owns when asked by a Politico reporter. Reports indicated that the actual number is between seven and twelve.

When reached for comment about McCain's confusion, campaign manager Rick Davis responded, "POW POW Prison Torture American POW."

The McCain camp elaborated in a statement: "POW Vietnam stress positions POW POW POW POW Vietnam America Americans American Americans POW POW POW."

Obama campaign manager David Ploufe expressed amazement that the McCain campaign was able to work McCain's POW experience into a discussion about real estate.

"Honestly, when I saw McCain admit he didn't know how many houses he owns I really wondered how they were going to manage to work in the POW thing. Then I saw that quote by Rogers about how McCain 'lived in one house for five and a half years - in prison' and I thought, wow. They actually went there."

When reached for comment, John McCain herocially declined to discuss his POW experience, claiming he doesn't like to talk about being a POW.

"When I was a POW we POWs didn't really like to talk about being POWs and the life of POWs in the Hanoi Hilton where I was a POW in Vietnam. So I really don't want to discuss my life as a POW because being a POW is something no American wants to ever experience and I don't think people really want to hear about how brave I was when I was a POW and how that makes me a real American since I was a POW."

An AP reporter in McCain's Sedona mansion was reported to have fainted due to McCain's selflessness and heroism.