Ask John McCain: Vetting Sarah Palin

Dear John,

Um. Did you vet this insane person from Alaska?

Dear Doofus. Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm a vet, moron. What in the hell did I need another vet on the ticket for? Let me tell you what I did need. Someone who could tell you where to stick a whale harpoon. Bah. This is a lady who knows her way around a moose. I think America is going to like her.

Dear John,

Are they going to put Sarah Palin's uterus in the Smithsonian when she dies?

Ha! That's a good one. I'll have to tell that one to Lieberman. Let me tell you something about Sarah Palin: she has five children and she knows where they came from, if you know what I mean. Heh heh. Well, at least she knows where four of them came from. Don't know about that last one. I've heard some wild stories about that one. Probably fake. I'll tell you one thing, Rove never faked a pregnancy. He might have if he had lady parts though.

Dear John,

Is Cindybot going to be jealous that you're consorting with another beauty queen?

I sure know how to pick the broads, don't I? Heh heh. But the answer is no. Cindy is my wife. How in the hell am I going to eat without her? I wouldn't be counting houses that's for damn sure. She has me by the balls. Should have signed a prenup. And worn a rubber. That's a lesson for all you Cub Scouts out there.